she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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