worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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