The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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