Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize