But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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