My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Two words: nipple clamps
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