so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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