my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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