I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
