woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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