Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the day after is always just damage control
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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