Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
