Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
