Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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