Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
