So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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