in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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