If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
