she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
