he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
