If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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