Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
