Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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