that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
