We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
