Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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