I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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