is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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