whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am puke
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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