He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
