The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
