I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
