im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You made out with two different species that night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
