Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
