dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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