i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
