Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
