That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
