I wanna passion pit in your ass
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
