A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize