The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
