It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
