The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
