He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
