So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
