i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
