You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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