Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
