So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
