She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
