i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
