it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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