when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
