nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
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Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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