I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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