I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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