either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
