He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
