which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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