he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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