she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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