I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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