Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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