We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
