The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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