Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
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Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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