HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
