I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
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you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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