HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
