Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
