My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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