this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
