It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
