I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
